


Breathe

by NeverAndAlways



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Castiel Has Panic Attacks, Gen, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Protective Dean, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 01:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3917767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverAndAlways/pseuds/NeverAndAlways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fighting a panic attack of my own, and needed to write something cathartic. Takes place sometime around season 5, when Cas is still fairly new to the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

They're on the road when it happens.

They've been chasing down a coven of witches for three days straight, stopping only for gas, food, and bathroom breaks. Dean and Sam are used to it, they've been doing this for years; they take turns driving while one or the other sleeps in the backseat. Castiel, on the other hand, is still new to this. He hasn't slept, has barely stopped to catch his breath. He's starting to falter. It doesn't help that these witches are some of the strongest they've ever encountered- even Cas is getting a run for his money. He's becoming more withdrawn and jumpy with every witch they take down. Sam and Dean try to give him his space, but they figure something's got to give.

-

"Sam, pull over."

It's ten minutes past midnight, four days into the hunt. They're somewhere in Wyoming on an endless stretch of highway, having just taken down a particularly nasty witch. Sam is driving while Dean snores in the backseat. Cas is in the passenger seat, and he's been unusually quiet- until now.

"Pull over." he says sharply

"Cas, we're in the middle of nowhere-"

"Pull over. **Now**." 

Sam does as he's told and yanks on the steering wheel. Tires crunch on gravel, and the Imapala barely has time to stop before Cas wrenches the door open and tumbles out. He hits the ground running but only makes it a few steps before he crumples. Sam rushes to his side. Is he having a heart attack? A seizure? The angel is on his knees in the beam of the Impala's headlights, shaking and clutching the dry grass in his fist as though it's the only thing keeping him on the ground. He's hyperventilating; a cloud forms in the chilly air.

"I can't breathe." he gasps. His chest heaves, trying to draw air into his lungs. "I can't- help-"

...Oh. Not a heart attack, then. He's seen these before, on himself and his brother. He puts a hand on Cas' back, trying to reassure him, but the angel flinches away like he's been burned. His breath is coming in ragged gasps now, like a drowning man. Sam glances over his shoulder; somehow Dean is still out cold. He yells his name. There's a flurry of movement and some muffled swearing, then boots on gravel and Dean appears.

"What happened?" his voice is still rusty with sleep.

"I think he's having a panic attack. He won't let me get close."

Dean swears. "I was afraid of that..." he crouches next to Cas. "Cas, it's me. Can you hear me?"

Cas looks up, but he can't seem to focus. "Dean." he breathes. It sounds more like a plea than a name.

"You're okay, buddy, I'm right here." Dean's voice is slow and calm. He inches toward Cas. "You're gonna be okay, just try to chill out. Deep breaths."

"I can't-"

"Yes you can. Look at me. In-" he takes a deep breath "-and out. Now you do it."

Cas manages one shaky breath, but he still looks terrified. He looks down at his shaking hands. "What's happening to me?"

"Panic attack. 'S okay, happens to the best of us."

"I'm dying."

"No you're not. I'm here, Sam's here-"

"I'm going to die-"

Sam chimes in, moving close to get the angel's attention. "No. Look at me, Cas. I know you're scared, but you're not gonna die. We're right here. We aren't gonna let anything happen to you. Just breathe, it'll pass."

Cas sits back on his heels and gulps deep lungfuls of air. Dean rubs circles into his back to keep him grounded. After a few minutes, Cas' frantic breathing evens out and gives way to tears; he curls up, as though trying to hide from the world, and sobs like he's making up for lost time. Sam and Dean don't say a word. They just wait it out, because that's all you can do.

It ends slowly. Cas gradually sits up, mops at his eyes with one sleeve, and looks around like he's not sure where he is. He looks like he's been through Hell and back.

"Welcome back." Dean smiles at him. "Feelin' better?"

Cas ponders this question for a moment. "...I feel awful." he says thickly.

"Panic attacks will do that to you." says Sam.

"Me an' Sam have had our fair share." Dean adds darkly. "Kinda hard to be in our line of work and not have 'em."

"They are horrible."

"Yeah, and they don't really get any easier." Dean moves to stand up. "You okay to walk, or do you wanna sit for a few minutes?"

"I'm alright." Cas uses the Impala's hood to lever himself onto his feet. He still shaky, so Sam puts an arm around his shoulders as he makes his slow way back to the passenger-side door. Once he's inside, Dean goes around to the trunk; he comes back a moment later with a big, black fleece blanket which he drapes over Cas despite his protests.

"You'll want it later. Trust me on this one." he explains as he goes around to the driver's side and climbs in. Cas unearths his arm from the blanket and rubs at his eyes again.

"So..." he swallows hard. "Where do we go next?"

"Nowhere." Dean says firmly. "Not until you get some sleep and start feeling better."

"I don't require sleep." says Cas with equal vehemence. He falls asleep anyway, of course, not five minutes later. Sam nods off, too, in the backseat. This leaves Dean to stand guard, staring down the highway at nothing in particular.

Sometime during the night, Cas' breathing starts to quicken again. He doesn't wake up, but one hand fumbles across the gearshift until it finds Dean's hand and squeezes. Dean squeezes back, and Cas' breathing slows. And he doesn't move again 'till morning.

oO0Oo

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked the story, please leave a comment- I'd love to hear from you!


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